I have four more minutes left of my birthday. Yes, my birthday is three days after Christmas which has always cut into any sort of birthday celebration.

There’s just no competing with Baby Jesus. 

I had hoped to have posted some pictures of our Christmas, some  funny and somewhat cheesy shots of the kids opening their zillions of presents. Santa procrastinated a bit on purchasing a Wii, so the kids got a X-Box 360, Leap Frogs, and PSP’s. Santa also brought a lot of books to balance the overflow of technology in our house. Nothing fancy, mind you, just easy reads like  War and Peace and David Copperfield. 

I’m unable to post or view any pictures from our Christmas, because my mother -in- law took a lot of awesome shots from her camera and ours never got used. I’ve harassed emailed her several times to send said pictures, but it hasn’t happened yet. I expect to receive them via email probably Christmas 2009. I’ll keep you posted.

Until Next Time…

I’m going to try to savor the week long vacation that I never actually took and enjoy the thirty seconds left of my birthday.

Woot.

We all get them. A newsletter from a family member or friend highlighting the wonderful events that occurred in the past year. Little Johnny got into Yale and he’s only six. Little Becky is an All-Star Underwater Basket Weaver. Momma is feeding the hungry by profits she’s made from selling Mary Kay Cosmetics. And Dad? Well, Dad caught a 150lb fish and killed a bear with his bare hands. Oh that Dad!

I’ve created a newsletter of my own, but I decided to concentrate on not how great my family is but just how insane I really am.

Enjoy!

CHASE FAMILY NEWSLETTER

BRINGING 2007 TO A BUMPY AND JAGGED END!

The Chase Family has been very busy this past year and we want to highlight you on what we’ve been up to!

~Ian~ (AKA Daddy, Big Daddy, Father, and asshole  Darling.)

Ian has been very busy creating a fascinating gadget that will enhance his sex life with his wife. And by enhance, I mean, doing it every night, possibly ten times a day! It’s been a long process but he thinks all he needs is to create an IV full of tequila that would insert in wife’s arm. The trick is doing it so she doesn’t realize what is taking place. Which isn’t so hard because the few months she went blonde killed a few brain cells which is an advantage! Ian remains hopeful so please keep him in your thoughts! His tireless work may just pay off.

~Jaime~ (AKA Mom, Mother, Mommy and nagging bitch Honey)

Jaime has been also very busy designing twin beds for herself and Ian. When not working on this project, she’s suffers from the inability to stand up straight and the constant slurring of her words. She’s also noticing unexplainable needle marks in her arm.  

~Angelin~

Angelin had a long stay in rehab trying to overcome her Hannah Montana and Disney Channel addiction. We’re happy to say she is recovering and she’s taking it one day at a time.

~Eric~

After crashing his father’s truck from a night of joyriding, Eric has taken up knitting. His body piercings are still quite a challenge because sometimes he gets a little careless and they get caught in whatever it is he’s knitting. We’re just proud he isn’t letting the challenges of creating a beautiful satchel stop his creativity.

~Jacob~

Jacob has left home to pursue his dream of being the next Red Power Ranger. Despite his young age of six, we’re confident that he’ll destroy evil and establish peace on earth by kicking the asses of all the bad guys. GO RED POWER RANGER JACOB!

~Eden Marie-

Eden has legally changed her name to Princess Cinderella Ariel Jasmine Belle and will only answer to her entire name. She’s created her own clothesline which is called NO CLOTHES BUT A CROWN AND SHOES and is a stylish icon wherever she goes.

 We hope your year was as weird wonderful as ours!

 Happy Holidays and Best Wishes!
~The Chase Family~

Yesterday, I had a lunch meeting with a group of my top clients. We’ve had this meeting scheduled for about a week, all of us corresponding via email on where and when the meeting would take place. We agreed on “THISGREATPLACE” a restaurant that sounded familiar and I knew I had eaten there many times.

The day of the meeting I drove to the restaurant and arrived a good fifteen minutes early. I pulled in the parking lot and hurried in to get a table.

When I got seated, the server handed me a menu. Glancing down at it I saw the name of the restaurant wasn’t “THISGREATPLACE”. When the server came back to the table I casually asked, “So when did you guys change the name of the restaurant?”

She looked at me blankly before replying that they’ve never changed the name of the restaurant… that it has always been “THATNAME” Restaurant.

“Oh C’mon, this used to be THISGREATPLACE!”

A few heads turned my way and the server leaned in closer. “Ma’am, THISGREATPLACE is a few miles down the road. It’s always been a few miles down the road and we’ve always been THATNAME Restaurant. You’re in the wrong restaurant.”

Later that night, I told my husband about what happened.  “I don’t know what is wrong with me, I can’t believe I had an airhead moment today.”

He nodded and then said, “Yeah, you do have a lot of those sometimes. Remember when you went to the DMV to get tags for the car and you asked for someone to help you put them on?”

“What is wrong with that?”

“Jaime, it was stickers to put on the tags. You asked for help to install STICKERS.”

 I really wish my husband would  find a hobby instead of being all up in my business.

We’re eating dinner and I notice Jacob isn’t at the table. He has hockey practice in an hour and he needs to eat something. I ask Angelin to call him again, which of course, she screams his name from the table. I do the ‘Mom Snap’ and she groans, making her way up the stairs.

When Jacob comes to the table he tells me he doesn’t like what we’re having for dinner. This is normal as Jacob is known for being a picky eater. I tell him he has to eat at least five bites of what is on his plate or he isn’t going to practice.

“I don’t like this stuff,” he says calmly.

“Jacob, it’s meatloaf. Mashed potatoes. English peas. You’ve eaten this before.”

“Well, I don’t like it today. I don’t want to eat any of it.”

“Not even the mashed potatoes?”

He shakes his head.

Suddenly Eric swallows a mouthful of his food and chirps, “Jacob isn’t going to eat any of it Mom. He’s an equal opportunist of hating your cooking.”

I’ve been under quite a bit of stress lately. This is understandable considering the circumstances in my life. So I thought why not do something a little fun… like have a cocktail party! Because planning a party? A relaxing breeze. 

I actually started planning this party over a month ago and it wasn’t going to be just any party. I decided to do one of those Passion Parties… yeah, those kind. Mainly because I’d never been to one and secondly it would be a great excuse to buy alcohol. And chocolate. In that order.

Forty-five minutes before the consultant was due to arrive, my phone rang. It was the consultant’s husband. In a shaky, embarrassed voice, the guy told me his wife wouldn’t be able to come. I asked him for a number of another consultant but he didn’t have one. I hung up the phone in a panic. I had twelve women that was going to be knocking on my door wanting some… well, you know, and there wasn’t going to be a consultant there… just me! Most likely curled up in a fetal position rocking back and forth humming We Are The World.

I called Cheree who referred this woman to me and got her answering machine. Not good. So in a very bitchy panicked tone, I said, “Yeah, Cheree. This is Jaime. Your friend’s husband just called and cancelled. Yeah. That’s right. She’s supposed to be here in a half hour and she isn’t coming! She’s had a panic attack. Yeah! A PANIC ATTACK! Okay, well you need to call me back. Give me the name of someone else or something. Call me back. Bye.”

It wasn’t like I blamed Cheree or anything. It was just that… well, I sorta blamed Cheree. But only for about fifteen minutes.

I went online and googled Passion Party Consultants with no luck. Then I remembered the wedding fair my company held last year and found a consultant from Pure Romance. She was absolutely no help as she didn’t do Pure Romance anymore and wouldn’t give me the names of a consultant that did!!! About this time, I was pretty much giving up. Maybe I should have went with a Tupperware Party.

I found a consultant in New York and spoke with her husband who was a very nice man, but his wife was doing a party and well, they lived in New York.

Finally, my friend Elizabeth found a consultant with Essence of Romance who agreed to do our party last minute…which was such a good thing because I was getting a tad sick of all the alcohol, chocolate I was consuming.

The party was a lot of fun… not at all what I thought it would be. Tasteful and very educational. I never knew that you could… well, nevermind. AND I never thought there was a you know that was for YOU KNOW!

The Passion Party Consultant from New York called me back and offered to send me information on becoming a consultant which sparked a little bit of interest. Hmmm…

I did buy a few things… which Ian put on the very top shelf of our closet. Yesterday, I tried to reach it to move it somewhere else and an item fell out and smacked me in the head. I have a bruise on my forehead caused by an adult toy.

I can’t help but feel a little dirty.